


relative relevance

by epilogues



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canonical Character Death mentioned, Corpses, Gen, Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, Narrative Fuckery, are there, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22160002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epilogues/pseuds/epilogues
Summary: The trip on theTheseusis taking longer than Dirk expected. He'll take his kicks where he can get them.
Relationships: Terezi Pyrope & Dirk Strider
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	relative relevance

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea how to preface this one? i basically just wanted to write dirk and terezi interacting and then this... happened. enjoy!
> 
> (i know the tags are kind of vague so if you'd like a more explicit content warning, click ahead to the end note!)

Dirk, first off, makes the executive decision that third person is the superior narrative choice.

Second person is too empowering, all this _you, you, you._ What will _you_ do? Nothing. _You_ don’t exist here. _You,_ that generic, empty space, just waiting to be filled by someone. Who? A teenager, up too late and looking for something to fall in love with, a kid, an adult, returning to something from the past in the desperate hopes that their skin will smooth out once more? A thirteen year old playing god? A sixteen year old playing the same role, just a little better? It’s bullshit pie whichever way you slice it, and this paragraph has too many uncertainties for an ascended Prince of Heart.

Anyway. First person. Tempting, sure, it’s certainly one way to hammer in the truth of what’s happening here. Then again, though, the word ‘I’ is too easily stolen by other people. Ayn Rand wrote a whole book about taking it for one’s own, but she neglected to mention that it’s the most common property in the world. Fuck that noise, as they say. Third person is what keeps happening now. 

With that cleared up, Dirk leans back in his chair - swivel, of course, custom-alchemized with some bootleg SBURB equipment - and swings his feet up onto his desk. This is objectively his favorite place onboard the _Theseus,_ mostly due to its stunning view of the cosmos as it passes.

The universe is larger than Dirk anticipated, if he’s honest. It just keeps going. And going. And going. Hell, it might even have enough room for Dirk himself, if that’s the kind of joke he’s in the mood to make at this given moment.

(It’s not.)

Dirk traces a hand over the edge of one of his succulents and holds back a sigh. He hates sighing. It’s such an obnoxious admission of breath, such an obnoxious admission of existence and need for air, and it’s not like it’s ever actually made anyone feel better. He’s not bored, necessarily, but the trip is taking a bit longer than he’d anticipated. Rosebot had told him so. He still hasn’t admitted to hearing her. 

The cosmos rushes by, so fast for something going nowhere. Dirk rotates from side to side in his chair, almost without realizing, the restless movement a habit he picked up from Jake without realizing and hasn’t been able to ditch since. Left, right, left, right, a military march, step by step by what the _fuck_ is that sound from down the hall.

Dirk takes the motion out of each cell of his body one by one in an instant, until he’s completely still and focused on the mystery sound. It’s what passes for night on the ship, and Rosebot has been finding it funny to pretend she has a sleep schedule lately, so he’s not sure who could be up, unless… Terezi. Dirk stretches out his Heart powers, easy as lifting a finger, and runs directly into a wall of solid emotion that’s just teal-tinted enough to give her away. Yep, she’s awake, ironic as she’s the only being on the ship that really needs sleep at all, and she’s emotional about something. And that sound, like a long-rusted, barnacle-covered support beam considering whether or not it should fall and bring an apartment and its singular occupant down with it, must be her crying. Wonderful.

It’s alright, though, because you, Terezi Pyrope, are suddenly exhausted. You’ve had a good long cry now. It’s been a long day. It’s always a long day around here, or so you always say. And in fact, you want nothing more right now than to go to sleep. Take a nice nap. Hell, if you’re lucky, you might even get to avoid some of the nastier dream bubbles.

Here’s hoping that worked. Dirk swings his legs back down to the ground and steps over to his study door, pressing his ear against the door in the hopes of hearing snores. They’re not much quieter, and certainly not any less unpleasant, but… still.

TEREZI: G3T OUT OF MY H34D, 1D1OT  
TEREZI: 1 C4N H34R YOU  
TEREZI: 4ND 1’M NOT CRY1NG  


Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Also, bullshit. Dirk knows what that wall of emotion contained, and it wasn’t anything conducive to anything other than crying.

You -

TEREZI: KNOCK 1T OFF  
TEREZI: SOM3 OF US 4R3 4CTU4LLY TRY1NG TO DO TH1NGS OTH3R TH4N ST4R3 4NGST1LY OUT OF TH3 W1NDOW R1GHT NOW  


Dirk scowls. No one’s around to see it, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? 

DIRK: What things?  
TEREZI: W3LL, YOU S33  
TEREZI: 1’M 4CTU4LLY WORK1NG ON SOM3 V3RY 1NT3R3ST1NG STUD13S ON TH3 SUBJ3CT OF M1K3  
DIRK: I don’t care about whatever nonsense you’re doing.  
DIRK: But I don’t appreciate being distracted by said nonsense, so I’ll bite.  
DIRK: What the fuck is Mike?  
TEREZI: M1K3 OCK!!!  
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3 >:]  


Ascended players are limitless, in a sense. They are every instance of themself across every instance of the universe, and they have no end - except for the one that Dirk’s wits are at right now. He flings open his study door with a flourish that’s a little more dramatic than the situation strictly warrants (fuck yeah, cool cape action) and storms down the hall to the small room Terezi has claimed as her own. The door isn’t locked.

DIRK: Where did you even learn that? I’m assuming troll culture doesn’t…  
DIRK: …  
DIRK: Terezi.  
DIRK: Why is John on your bed.  


Terezi was on the floor facing the aforementioned bed when Dirk first opened the door, but now the bright lenses of her shades reflect his face right back at him. Her arms are folded, her mouth is twisted into a sharp frown, and there is a corpse on her bed.

TEREZI: WHY DO YOU C4R3  
TEREZI: JOHN’S ON MY B3D  
TEREZI: B1G WHOOP  
TEREZI: 1 M34N  
TEREZI: 1T’S NOT L1K3 TH3R3’S 4NYTH1NG UNS4VORY H4PP3N1NG  
TEREZI: H3’S PR3TTY D34D  
DIRK: …  
TEREZI: SO 4R3 YOU JUST GO1NG TO ST4ND TH3R3 OR  


Dirk knows what John’s corpse looks like, of course. He’s been watching since that tooth first entered Egbert’s chest. Still, though, there is a bit of shock factor hidden in the gaping wound in John’s chest, in the dried stain covering his aspect, the -

DIRK: Terezi.  
DIRK: Why is there teal saliva on John’s fucking corpse?  
DIRK: Specifically, why is there teal saliva on the dried blood on the hand of John’s fucking corpse?  
DIRK: I try not to judge, but what the fuck, yo.  


This is fucking horrible. The glare on Terezi’s face would be intimidating if Dirk hadn’t seen it a million times before. She ignores the question.

TEREZI: WHY 4R3 YOU ST1LL 1N MY BLOCK?  
TEREZI: PR1V4CY’S 4 D34D CONC3PT ON TH1S H3LLSH1P, BUT 1’D L1K3 YOU TO L34V3 M3 4LON3  
DIRK: Why bother?  
DIRK: Privacy’s dead.  
DIRK: And besides, I’m not entirely sure how entitled to it you are when this is what you do with it  


Dirk is, of course, gesturing to the teal saliva on the dried blood on the hand of John’s fucking corpse as he speaks. Of all the things he expected to find in this room tonight, this is _not_ one of them, and it’s really not something he ever wanted to see. He’s having trouble tearing his eyes away from John - the corpse. It’s just a corpse. A corpse that looks likes Jake if you squint, and a corpse that’s completely irrelevant to everything ever. 

DIRK: Also, what the fuck was that noise in here earlier?  


Terezi turns her nose briefly toward the corpse before answering, like she’s sharing a secret. 

TEREZI: 1 W4S L4UGH1NG, TH4NK YOU V3RY MUCH  
DIRK: ...About John’s corpse.  
TEREZI: 4BOUT TH3 S1TU4T1ON  
TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG’S GON3 COMPL3T3LY TO SH1T  
TEREZI: 4ND TH1S T1M3 1 C4N’T JUST DUNK ON 3GB3RT WH1L3 1 M4K3 H1M F1X 3V3RYTH1NG  
TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG 1S FUCK3D 4ND H4S B33N FOR 4 LONG, LONG T1M3  
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 NOWH3R3 TO GO   
TEREZI: 4ND SOM3HOW 1 3ND3D UP H3R3  
TEREZI: W1TH 3GB3RT’S CORPS3 1S ON MY L4M3 3XCUS3 FOR 4 R3CUP3R4COON   
TEREZI: PR3TTY X3NOPHOB1C OF YOU TO NOT STOCK TH1S SH1P W1TH 4T L34ST ON3 R3CUP3R4COON, YOU KNOW  
TEREZI: BUT 4NYW4Y  
TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG 1S FUCK3ED, SOM3HOW I 3ND3ED UP H3R3, 4ND JOHN’S CORPS3 SM3LLS L1KE SH1T  
TEREZI: 1TS H1L4R1OUS  
DIRK: Huh.  
DIRK: That is pretty funny, actually.  


Dirk, as much to his surprise as Terezi’s, sits down on the floor next to her. There is something about this situation that he hates more than he can justify, and there is something about this situation that makes it impossible to leave. Why did he invite Terezi onboard, again?

Terezi is keeping her head carefully angled up at John and not at Dirk, but he can tell that she’s sniffing in his general direction. He bites back a question and waits.

TEREZI: . . .  
TEREZI: SO DO YOU 4CTU4LLY TH1NK TH3R3’S 4 CH4NC3 TH4T W3 C4N R3V1V3 H1M WH3N W3 G3T WH3R3V3R W3’R3 GO1NG?  


Ah. That explains a lot. 

DIRK: Missing your boyfriend? Or was he your hate fling, I can never keep track of all of your species’ nonsense.   
TEREZI: (X3NOPHOB3)  
TEREZI: N31TH3R  
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS TH3R3 W4S 4 T1M3 WH3N 1 W4NT3D SOM3TH1NG  
TEREZI: 4ND 4T TH3 T1M3 1T W4S ON3 OF THOS3 TH1NGS TH4T W4S H4RD TO D3F1N3  
TEREZI: L1K3 YOU KNOW WH4T YOU W4NT BUT YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO G3T 1T OR 3V3N D3F1N3 1T 1N T3RMS TH4T 4NOTH3R P3RSON OR 3SP3C14LLY ON3 OF 4NOTH3R SP3C13S WOULD UND3RST4ND  


Dirk nods in faux-understanding. He literally couldn’t care less about this, but hey, learning more about Terezi will make it easier to ~~manipulate~~ guide in the future, and it’s sure as hell easier to learn things this way instead of trying to mess with a Seer of Mind. 

DIRK: I know what you mean.  
TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: 1 HOP3 YOU KNOW 1’M T4LK1NG 4BOUT HOW B4DLY 1 W4NT YOU TO G3T OUT OF MY BLOCK  


Nevermind all of that then. Dirk holds back a sigh - sighing is stupid, remember - and shifts his weight in a way that he hopes conveys his dedication to not leaving Terezi’s room. His ass is connected with this floor, man, they’re basically one and the same. Normally he’d be gone by now, of course, but something other than the brand new, unbreakable connection between his ass and the cool metal floor is keeping him here. 

Maybe it’s sentiment, the need to build a family with the few crewmates he has on this, ultimately, suicide quest. Maybe it’s boredom. Or maybe it’s the look on Egbert’s dead face, the stupid, “just died in the middle of a love confession,” “spent my entire life uselessly blundering through canon with no real understanding of my randomly bestowed power,” “will probably end up being revived through shenanigans and then will be the one to bring about Dirk Strider’s final Just death as some stupid paradox space karma bullshit” look. You know the one. It kind of makes Dirk want to throw the stupid corpse overboard, but there’s no way Terezi’s going to let that happen, especially considering the look she’s giving him right now.

DIRK: I haven’t answered your question, though.  
DIRK: Don’t you want an answer?  
TEREZI: UGH  
TEREZI: 1 H4T3 YOU  
TEREZI: BUT Y3S, OBV1OUSLY  
DIRK: ...  
TEREZI: D1RK  
TEREZI: H4V3 1 B33N C4RT1NG TH1S CORPS3 4ROUND FOR NO R34SON OR 1S TH3R3 4CTU4LLY 4 CH4NC3 TH4T W3 C4N R3V1V3 H1M ON PL4N3T D1RK OR WH4T3V3R YOU D3C1D3 TO C4LL 1T  
DIRK: Okay, first off, I’m not going to call it Planet Dirk. I do have standards, you know.  
DIRK: Second off, I wouldn’t call emotional catharsis through laughing at the absurdity of your situation, aided by the corpse of your maybe-hate-lover, no reason.  
DIRK: That shit’s mad therapeutic, probably.   


Terezi is silent for just a beat longer than Dirk expects.

TEREZI: SO 1T’S NOT H4PP3N1NG  


Dirk shrugs, easy as can be, wondering if he can subtly influence Terezi just enough for him to throw John overboard. This night is turning out to be more interesting than he’d anticipated. Before, this wasn’t possible, removing the corpse from Terezi’s wallet without her knowing would have been... difficult, to say the least, but now that he’s just sitting out here, well. Dirk is many things, but he’s not an idiot that wants to die at John Egbert’s somehow-resurrected hands. Also, he’s a bit curious as to how Terezi will react. It’ll be a fun experiment. Rosebot will enjoy dealing with the emotional aftermath. 

DIRK: The poison he was killed by wasn’t just something that affected him physically.  
DIRK: I mean, you would think being almost vored to death wouldn’t count as heroic, right?  
TEREZI: ... R1GHT  
DIRK: That’s because John wasn’t just killed in a loss of basic organ function way so much as a, uh, how do I put this.  
DIRK: A complete loss of relevance and necessity way, I guess.  
DIRK: It’s not something I think he can come back from.  
DIRK: I have a feeling you knew that already, though.  
TEREZI: Y34H, 1 GU3SS 1 D1D  
TEREZI: TH4T DO3SN’T M4K3 YOU 4NY L3SS OF 4N 4SSHOL3 FOR LY1NG.  
TEREZI: W1LL YOU G3T OUT OF MY BLOCK NOW  


Dirk holds back a smirk and some of his previously stated reservations regarding perspective, and the world shifts just a bit to the left. I take the reins in hand like I’m Anna fuckin’ Harley and begin to steer this horse a little closer to where I want it - not directly there yet, I don’t want Terezi to notice, and hey, what’s the point in rushing the one of the precious few bits of fun I’ll get to have while I’m on this ship?

DIRK: If you really want to be alone with the corpse, then fine, I guess.  
DIRK: Just please don’t do anything too morally fuckin’ repugnant.  


You don’t  
want to be alone with the corpse, though, Terezi. You’re not asbrave as you pretend, and you’re tired of pretending. You’re tired of pretending that you think this is funny and not some seriously fucked-up shit.

I pause for just a moment, watching Terezi through the sliver of peripheral vision I have between my face and my shades. She doesn’t seem to have noticed anything, and while it may be wishful thinking on my part, it looks like her face has softened into that of someone who is finally letting themself admit that their life isn’t funny and is actually some seriously fucked-up shit. Welcome to the fucking club.

Anyway. I need to focus. The last thing I want is to bide my time just a bit too much and end up having Rosebot crash this little party. It’s unlikely that her robotic form has left her with the proper synapses to feel sentiment for John, but it’s a risk I don’t feel like taking right now. I don’t know when John’s corpse became so offensive to me, but - I chance a glance at his face and oh, yeah. That’s why.

This shit is so fucked up, actually, that you don’t know how you never admitted to it before. You kind of want to talk about it. Get it out of your system already. You feel - not comfortable around Dirk, we won’t go that far, but you’re a smart girl. You know there’s not that much point in holding onto things like personal boundaries at this stage in the game.

TEREZI: D1RK?  


I turn my head to the left, just a bit.   
I’m listening.

TEREZI: 1...  
TEREZI: TH1S 1SN’T FUNNY  
TEREZI: TH1S WHOL3 S1TU4T1ON 1S 1NCR3D1BLY FUCK3D UP, 4CTU4LLY  
TEREZI: 1 DON’T W4NT TO B3 H3R3  
TEREZI: 1F 1 H4DN’T R4N 1NTO JOHN  
TEREZI: 1F 1 H4DN’T ST4Y3D W1TH H1M FOR SO LONG  
TEREZI: 1’D ST1LL B3 OUT TH3R3 LOOK1NG  
TEREZI: M4YB3...   


Maybe what? You’re almost there.

It’s always such a delight when I start tying strings to my puppets only to realize the controls are already in my hands, just waiting for my fingers to close. Muscle by muscle - 34 total for each of my hands - and I’ve got you.

You tilt your head up at the ceiling, where a small, round window shows more of this particular leg of paradox space. It’s breathtaking, and it’s so familiar it makes you just a little sick. Your head falls back down, your nose catching just a whiff of Egbert-corpse on its path towards the floor, and you’re suddenly angry.

DIRK: Maybe what?

You could have found her. You almost found her. And then John showed up and convinced you that he was home, and you followed him, and now you’re more lost than you ever have been. 

TEREZI: 1F 1 H4DN’T RUN 1NTO H1M  
TEREZI: 1 COULD’V3 FOUND H3R  
TEREZI: SH3 COULD’V3 B33N R1GHT B3H1ND US B3FOR3 JOHN Z4PP3D US OUT OF TH3R3 4ND TH3R3’S NO W4Y 1’LL 3V3R KNOW  
TEREZI: 4ND NOW TH4T 1’V3 STOPP3D LOOK1NG 1 DON’T KNOW 1F 1 COULD M4K3 MYS3LF ST4RT 4GA1N  


You turn to face me, an event that, throughout our entire journey, has occurred in direct proportion to the number of inches my dick is (take that as you will), and even though I know there’s not really anything behind your glasses, there’s something in your gaze.

TEREZI: 1 H4T3D 3V3RY S3COND OF B31NG OUT TH3R3  
TEREZI: NOT TH3 B31NG 4LON3 P4RT, R34LLY  
TEREZI: BUT TH3 UNC3RT41NTY  
TEREZI: 1 D1DN’T KNOW WH3N OR WH3R3 1 W4S  
TEREZI: VR1SK4 COULD’V3 B33N SO CLOS3 TO M3 BUT 1F P4R4DOX SP4C3 D1DN’T W4NT M3 TO KNOW 1 WOULDN’T H4V3  
TEREZI: D1D YOU KNOW TH4T SP4C3 4LL SM3LLS TH3 S4M3?  
TEREZI: 1’V3 H34RD TH4T P4RTS OF 1T LOOK R34LLY D1FF3R3NT 4ND B34UT1FUL  
TEREZI: BUT 1T 4LL JUST SM3LL3D TH3 S4M3 TO M3  
TEREZI: OR M4YB3 1T ONLY 3V3R L3T M3 SM3LL 1TS SH1TTY P4RTS  
TEREZI: WOULDN’T B3 TH3 F1RST T1ME TH4T’S H4PP3N3D TO M3  
TEREZI: H3H  


Huh. Sad. Not like that’s anything new for any of the people I know, though. I’m unmoved beyond simple annoyance. You’re mad, remember? (Remem8er?) You could have found Vriska if John hadn’t shown up, and you could have gone home with her and been so, so happy.

You take another whiff of Egbert, a mix of hesitation and eagerness befitting a kid trying weed at his first party with drugs, and yeah, you were right earlier. He smells like shit. Shit and death and stupid, irrelevant interference, and shitty candy in the back of a stupid human car, and stupid emotional weight that you’ve been carrying around for no reason, apparently, and you’re so, so angry.

TEREZI: D1RK?  
DIRK: Yeah?  
TEREZI: DO3S TH1S SH1P H4V3 4N OP3N4BL3 W1NDOW BY 4NY CH4NC3  
TEREZI: 1 N33D SOM3 FR3SH 41R  
TEREZI: 4ND 4LSO TO THROW 3GB3RT’S STUP1D CORPS3 OUT 1NTO SP4C3  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK  


Correction - you know that’s exactly what you need to do. Of course this is why you’ve felt so shitty lately. Once this last bit of John is gone, maybe you can actually ~~be useful on~~ enjoy this trip, and no one involved will have to worry about elaborate resurrection shenanigans.

DIRK: There’s one in my study. C’mon.  


You follow my lead and stand on surprisingly stable legs, captchaloguing John back into the wallet. You hold the small piece of leather in your hand with a grip worthy of someone regretting a suicide attempt on a misty bridge, and you say nothing else as we walk down to the hall. 

Ha. I’m out of your room now. Happy?

We enter my study, and I hit the button on the wall that opens the window. The stale vacuum of space rushes in as the plexiglass slides away. You wrinkle your nose at the smell, but you don’t back away. Slowly, like a pallbearer putting down the coffin holding the estranged father he never truly knew, you decaptchalogue John. Your unrushed movements are not out of sentiment or second thought. Perhaps more of a desire to savor the moment, if you will.

For a split second, the world snaps back into place. Terezi turns to Dirk with an anger she hasn’t felt in years, if ever, careful to keep John’s corpse hugged flush to her chest, but then everything slides back to the side. Thirty-four muscles in the physical hand. I flex my narrative one, just for a second, checking to make sure that I am in control. Of course I am. 

You take a step closer to the window. 

DIRK: Well?  
DIRK: Are you going to do it?  
TEREZI: ...  


I ease off the reins just enough so that you can speak, if you want, but the last voice John’s corpse hears is mine. His arms and head flop comically as you push him away from you and directly out of the window. I’m not sure how gravity works in paradox space, but he plummets out of view almost instantly. There’s not even an idiotic blue speck to follow. 

I stare down into the abyss - what else is new - for another moment before walking back to the other side of the room and closing the window. It whirrs softly into place. You don’t move until it clicks locked, and then you realize that you’re exhausted. You’ve been up for so long now. You can deal with all of this in the morning.

I watch you walk down the hall and into your room, shutting the door carefully behind you. When you fall asleep just a moment later, you don’t snore. The world is righted with the gentle precision of the final brick in a Lego tower, and Dirk sits down in his chair. He’s not tired, exactly, this certainly hasn’t been his most taxing narrative escapade, but the adrenaline of the situation is quickly falling away. Ha. Kind of like someone else. 

Dirk leans back in his chair, swings his feet up on the desk, and fixes his eyes on the passing cosmos. The Theseus is silent.

**Author's Note:**

> (cw: dirk uses his narrative powers to manipulate terezi, and they throw john's corpse overboard.)
> 
> thanks for reading! have a great day!


End file.
